Mei Mei

I first met her after she had snuck into Kaisha's heart through pictures. It had happened to me before. Twice. Falling in love with little girls half way around the world just by looking long and hard at their pictures. Unless its happened to you, you just wouldn't know how completely obsessed you can get.

Kaisha's sponsorship of Tiffany, sending money to the orphanage every month with Tiffy's care in mind, that part was just the catalyst to the adoring her in a dozen other ways. Kaisha would search the orphanage website for more pictures. She would print them and post them on her blog and in her room. She read anything she could find on her little-girl-in-China. Shopping trips to buy the most adorable outfits to send to China; nothing but cuteness for her baby. Requested info on Tiffy's heart condition, begged us to adopt her, and began wishing to go sit on the grass half way around the world to love on her.

How did she do that? How did Kaisha convince my mom and I to go all the way to China to spend a week watching her and Mei Mei play with her camera together? I'm glad she did. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Due to her heart condition, Mei Mei had some things she couldn't do very well. Such as breath. Her little fingers and lips were blueish from lack of oxygen. Each breath noticeable. Each breath a gift from the God who loves her. Mei Mei learned to walk last year when she was four. It was beautiful. We cheered from the other side of the planet.

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One thing Mei Mei did well, maybe even best, was stealing. You could not be in a room with her for but a few minutes and she would take your heart. Even if you had it all sealed up and safely protected. Even then. She was cuteness on display. Pretty. Her rare smile melted you. Since breathing was so hard for her, being naughty, crying, or fussing, none of those were really options. She was simply sweet. Her eyes were deep and thoughtful. Full of ideas and words.

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The part I loved the best was hearing her say Kai-sha. They spent a lot of time playing together with Kaisha's camera. Kaisha taught her how to take pictures and gave her freedom to take hundreds. Take a picture, look at the screen. Take another picture, look at that one. Mei Mei would say the Chinese names of her friends in the pictures. Then Kaisha would turn the camera around and take pictures of the two of them together. They would laugh. I would look over their shoulders and point her little finger to Kaisha in the picture and say her name. Mei Mei would repeat it. Kai-sha. Her little voice so quiet.

The burning question might be: if you adored her so much, why didn't you adopt her? A simple question with a complex answer. But at the end of the long explanation you might say that she wasn't adoptable. In a sense, of course she was adoptable. All things are possible. It sounds cold and harsh to say she couldn't be adopted. But not in the sense that I intend. First of all, she was loved and cared for so well where she was. Each child assigned to a fiercely devoted nanny that they call mama. Life arranged in a planned routine, living in a beautiful home, growing up with the same children day after day. She received good medical care from the full time missionary doctor who consulted with both Chinese and American doctors. She was adored by the staff. She had a good life. But a family would have been better. True. We were told by a doctor that it was amazing, given her heart conditions, that she was still alive. Each day a gift. Each day potentially her last. Since each task in Tiffy's day was difficult for her body, something like a plane trip would be unlikely to be successful for her. In her fragile state imagine the trauma of being taken from her nanny, from her home and friends. Yes, when she was one or two or even three years old it would have been worth the hurt to give her a home. But by the time she was four, her little body was so fragile. I believe that in Tiffany's case, the most loving thing was to leave her where she was. And believe me, that broke hearts.

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Tiffy died yesterday. We cried. It hurts. But now she is whole, no longer broken. All the things she imagined doing, she can do them now! Run. Jump. Dance! And she does them not on this sorry, broken, imperfect earth. She stands before the throne of heaven, before her Maker. She is held by the God who loved her every second of her five year old life. The God who wrote her beautiful story and mixed it all up with Kaisha's. The God who has made Kaisha a different person because of Mei Mei. I can't see it or measure it or parse it and explain exactly how, but I know He has. That's how God is. That's what He does. He writes your story in a way that you never expected. In a way that you would never choose. He mixes up the happiest parts of life with the hardest, most painful parts. You wonder why. But when you know Him, you trust Him with it. Not a trust that is stoic and says and does all the right things. But an earthly, real-about-how-much-it-hurts sort of trust.

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There's a day coming when all our questions will be answered. And with certainty. I think we will breath a sigh of relief and then bow down and worship Him. For now, we hold tight and trust Him, cry because we miss her and want her, and look forward to the day that we will see her again. We love you, Tiffy.

Refused to Pose

He would have none of it. Not happening. There wasn't even the most minuscule, remote chance that Collin was going to pose for a blog picture in his work apron. He was so closed minded when I asked him. But now that you see me in it, you can surely imagine how adorable he looks.

He has been so glad to hang up his clod-stomping work boots in exchange for the black apron and Guest Check tablet. He has done outdoor work for years. Cleaning stalls, weed wacking, mowing during allergy season, enduring the rain and cold, sweating out the hottest summer days ... he was ready to move up to less-manual labor. Now he is taking dinner orders from the most aged in our community at an assisted living facility near the college. He is still getting to know the old people he is serving. The other day a married couple was sitting at a table together. He went up to take their order and the old lady said (use your best old lady voice when you read this!), "Hi. My name is Marilynn and this is Bob and you spell Bob with only one 'o'."

Okay ... side note. In China, all the cute Chinese girls would make the sideways "v" hand sign in pictures. (Like I'm doing in Collin's apron.) Here is a picture from China with the waitresses doing it:Try it next time someone wants your picture. It's all the rage in China. (smile)

Take Away

We've been home from China for about three weeks now. It's so much fun to have that shared adventure with Kaisha. Part of my reason for going was to check out Shepherd's Field (the orphanage ministry we stayed with) because I had a strong inkling that Kaisha was going to want to go back but for a longer stay. And she does. Next summer for a couple weeks if she can save enough money. And then again as an intern for a couple months. She's hooked. The place and the people are wonderful and amazing. I would be completely comfortable with sending her half way around the world to a communist country all by herself now. Smile. Honest!

Tiffany, or her Chinese name, Mei Mei

Besides being confident in the ministry of Shepherd's Field, what else did I come home with? How did the Lord use this trip in my world?

I fell in love with Tiffy. She is so precious! Sweet spirited. Gentle. Content. I asked again the other day, "Are you sure we can't adopt Tiffany?" I know we can't. But, oh, how I wish. It seems to be the consensus that nothing can be done for her heart condition. Her lungs would be quite damaged by now and she would need both a heart and lung transplant. Every day for Tiffy is a miracle. She is so loved and well cared for at Shepherd's Field. Attached to her MaMa there. If I could be in two places at once, my other world would be Tiffy's world.

I know that Kaisha is so much more attached to her than I am. I actually didn't spend a lot of time with her. Partly because I didn't want to get in the way of Tiffy getting to know Kaisha, but to be honest, partly because I was protecting my own heart from the sadness of leaving her behind. Kaisha didn't do that and I'm glad. And I'm glad to feel a little bit of the broken heartedness that Kaisha is going through.

Bikes everywhere!

One thing I didn't expect to come home with is a renewed joy and vision for loving my two little girls. We were immersed in the orphan crisis for ten day. Saw the great need for people to love these little ones. Thought about the call to meet the needs of the fatherless. Heard stories about the state run orphanages. Met a lot of people that have adopted from China. Looked at the foundation of a million dollar building that Shepherd's Field wants to complete that will one day be a therapy and vocational center for the kids. It all just makes you want to DO something! It was so clear to me that my DOING something was to head back home and love on Mia and Ania.

I want to do this to a wall sometime. Each guest signed before they left. Their staff break room.

Another completely unexpected take home thing for me came out of a couple groups that were staying in the inn with us. When we arrived there was a group there of about 15 or 20 people. Mostly teens and a few leaders. They were selfish, snobby, and dripping with attitude. Not the adults, just the kids. You couldn't get them to talk to you. They sat around most of the time. They were so into themselves. It was icky. They left for home and a new group came in.

The new group was about half and half, teens and adults. They were amazing! The kids were friendly and sweet and respectful and polite. They brought about 30 suitcases of supplies for the orphanage. Bright and early on the first morning, well before any of them were over jet lag, they were working! Washing windows, sweeping the driveway, playing with the kids. I had a few really good talks with two of the leaders. All I learned from them and about them is way too much for this blog post ... but I was so excited from my time with them. Excited for missions. Excited about China. Excited about adoption. Excited about their plans back in their home town in WA. Excited for the model of youth ministry they represented. Excited about teenagers and teaching teens about the Lord. Excited to get home to my own teenagers. Excited!

The guest inn where we stayed. Paintings for sale lined the walls. It was such a neat building.

And one last thing. I learned so much about the history and culture of China. We had a sweet Chinese interpreter that went everywhere with us when we left the orphanage. And all the touring things we did required a lot of time in the van and I spent most of that time asking her question after question after question. I learned a textbook amount of info from her. Everything from, "Why are those ladies raking grass clippings in the street?" to "When did Chairman Mao die and who took his place?" It was fascinating to hear her, a Chinese Christian, talk about her life in a communist country and to see how different her view is than what I expected it to be.

Update from China #5

We celebrated Annie's and my birthday today with a yummy cake from the Langfang bakery. Annie turns 19 tomorrow.

One of my favorite parts of the touring we've done is to watch the Chinese people stare at Annie. She has beautiful golden locks and evidently the Chinese people don't see blond hair on a beautiful American woman every day. Every time we've gone out, with the exception of dinners, people stop her on the street and ask her to pose for a picture with them. Parents want pictures of their children with her. Women want pictures with her. And men want pictures with her! Our friend and tour guide, Shelby, an employee of PHF, even told some Chinese men that were getting pictures with Annie that she was a famous American actress. I really important hanging out with Annie in China.
We went to Tienanmen Square. It was pretty amazing to be standing in that place when you are aware of some of the history of it. We crossed over to the Forbidden City and walked through just half of it. It is so big. I really felt like I was in China that day ... there were people everywhere. Shoulder to shoulder. Felt like sardines at times. And hot. I don't think I've ever been so hot. I was reviewing in my mind what to do when someone passes out. But I was too hot to think clearly and decided not to worry about it until one of us passed out. Our shirts were wet with sweat. And, truth be told, some of us hold off on drinking much water when we are out because ... oh, you should see the squatty potties. I would take the outhouse at the campout any day over one of those public bathrooms. So, passing out from the heat was a pretty viable option. And we had to walk so far too. But it started raining and cooled down. Next we were off to the tea house.

Update from China #4

We spend most of our time here at the orphanage (www.chinaorphans.org). Kaisha and Annie make it around to all of the houses and most of the kids but always seem to find their way back to these two girls. Annie sponsors Margaret and Kaisha sponsors Tiffany. Their Chinese names are Nu-Nu and Mei-Mei. Both girls have serious heart conditions. We talked to Dr. Moody over breakfast this morning about the girls' medical issues. Margaret needs surgeries and could do very well. He explains that when a surgery can wait, it is best for them to wait in hopes of that child being adopted and being able to have the surgeries done in the States, or wherever they are going to. So they are waiting for Margaret. She is active and doing great. Tiffy's heart cannot be repaired; she needs a transplant. Her heart isn't connected to her lungs (at all? or at least not properly) and so she is oxygen deficient. He said that maybe she could go the the United States to have a transplant, but of course he isn't certian that she would qualify for one or not.

You don't know how much we would love to take this little girl home with us! She is so sweet in her personality. It is so much fun to see her get a little mischevious look in her eyes and she is playing with Kaisha. And sometimes she laughs. It's beautiful to see her laugh.

The facilities here are beautiful. The Chinese nannies are assigned 2 or 3 children and always care for those same children ... many call their nannies "ma-ma". The people here are so committed to the well being of these kids. Today a new team of 30 people came in from Spokane. They brought suitcases (15 or 20) full of supplies. And will be doing VBS with the kids. It's just neat to see the many ways that God is providing for these children.

Update From China #3!

We are "touring" for three different days and the rest of our time is mostly spent at the orphanage. The day after the Great Wall we went to the Summer Palace. An incredible place that the emporer built to honor his mother. It has a manmade lake in the middle (maybe two or three times the size of Lake Padden) and buildings, temples, and walkways all around the outside. The paintings on the buildings and walkways are so detailed and ornate. Some painted scenes are 600 years old and have never been touched up with new paint.

We also did some shopping at the Pearl Market where everything is bartered for. We have all decided that we don't like bartering and would much rather pay higher prices for things and just have a price tag on them. We bought Converse tennis shoes for less than $10 ... but it took a lot of work to get the price down to where Shelby, our Chinese tour guide, said that we should. Once we finally settled on a price, the seller-ladies were mad at us and wouldn't look at us. The whole thing was funny to us.

In the evening we went to an acrobatic show. I guess the parents put their children into acrobat school at very young ages and the training is very rigorous. There were 6 and 7 year old performers. It was amazing too.

And we finally found a Starbucks! We just happened to drive by it and had the driver stop so we could go get pictures and buy Starbucks mugs that say Beijing on them. Those coffee frappaccinos were the best!

Update from China #2

I turned 42 on the Great Wall of China today. And brave. I was brave. At this particular tourist place along the wall, you take the ski lift to the top. The ski lift suspends you high up in the air. I have a (irrational, yet very real) fear of heights. Collin and Alissa, you would have been SO impressed!

Here are some facts that we were told: The Great Wall was begun as much as 5,000 years BC. Most of it was completed 200 years before Jesus walked the roads of Israel! That's my favorite thought ... that I was walking on a stone wall that was there when Jesus was here. Totally amazing! The wall is about 5000 miles long, including the extra little bits that jut off the main wall.

And guess how you get down from the top? Besides the walking option. Well, and besides the going back down the ski lift option. Right! A tabogon sled! Each person gets their own plastic sled thing, complete with brake, and you go down on a metal slide. Going down once wasn't quite enough. It made you want to go again, only faster! Here is a picture of my mom finishing the slide down the hill. I wish I could crop and enlarge it for you ... you should see the look on her face. She was laughing and having so much fun.

There were vendors at the bottom of the hill. The kind of vendors that you have to barter with. They were SO aggressive! We did end up buying a few things ... but none of us liked it at all. We'll take higher prices with set price tags any day! The dried fruit was so pretty how they had it displayed ... but we didn't buy any. We don't eat anything that isn't well cooked or comes from a can.

The drive to the wall took about 2.5 hours. The drive home took FOREVER! The bus driver got lost and ended up going right through Beijing instead of on the freeway. By the time we arrived back at Shepherd's Village I had migraine number two! Sigh. Feeling much better already though.

And notice the last picture ... taken from in the bus as we drove along. See how we are on the wrong side of the road? Passing. And see the oncoming truck? How close it is? And imagine your bus driver honking and honking to get people out of his way. And the oncoming truck sortof, finally, reluctantly moving over so we didn't collide. That's how the driving works ... it's just normal. We learned pretty quickly just to laugh and maybe not watch. Our theme is: "Remain Calm" and it's coming in quite handy.
Tomorrow we will be in Beijing all day. I think we are going to the China Palace and then to an acrobat show in the evening. Our tour guide is named Shelby and she'll be translating for us and ordering dinner etc.

P.S. Thank you to Collin who is doing my blogging for me!

It was an incredibly beautiful moment to see Kaisha and Annie holding their sponsored girls for the first time. Tiffany went to Kaisha right away, wanted to be held, and was so animated and adorable. The girls probably spent an hour and a half together playing outside and talking and interacting with Tiff and Margaret and the other kids too - all with the nannies for this small group of kids talking away to each other in Chinese.

In the afternoon Kaisha and Annie were able to go into the different children's homes and hold babies and play with the older kids. I took a nap ... recovering from jet lag and a migraine.

We were given a tour of Shepherd's Village in the afternoon with the complete story of how it all came to be. The buildings and grounds are very nice. It is definitely a bright spot on the map in the middle of third world type surroundings. We went out to dinner to a hole in the wall restaurant just a block away. (see picture of shops)

Tomorrow I get to spend my birthday at the Great Wall (about 3 hours away)!! I'm so thankful my migraine is gone and I'm hopeful it will be a fantastic day. And, I've heard that all roads lead to Starbucks ... including in China. Double tall toffee nut latte, here I come.

What to Do

Just two days until we fly to China. Would love it if you could leave comments with ideas of things to do on the airplane for 12 hours. Sleep. Read. Eat. Avoid anyone who looks swinefluish. Sleep some more. Read more.

And just so you don't lose any sleep over it, I looked on the Starbucks website at their store locator and they claim (although I have a hard time imagining it to be true) to have 64 Starbucks stores in Beijing. So, we should be ok.

Pictures of Mia's ride with her daddy on Charlie-the-dirt-bike. The helmet is huge on her little head. She loves riding with Brett. She laughs and laughs! Cuteness on two wheels.

Today

Today is Alissa's first full day at summer camp. We dropped her off yesterday afternoon. She's always wanted to go to summer camp. We signed her up three days ago. Rather last minute, which is how I work best these days. She knew of one friend that was going; a friend that she has only met once but is looking forward to getting to know at the new church. And she saw one girl from the swim team. What adventure!

Today I'm sending her a care package. Whoppers. Black licorice wheels. Granola bars. And I'm lamenting the fact that I won't see her for two entire weeks, since I leave for China the day before she gets home.

Today is a great day for her friends to send her a letter that she might receive before her week is over.

Today is the day Kaisha and I got our luggage out and figured out which suitcases we will take to China with us.

Today is the day we have to start recording our temperatures. Both the orphanage and the Chinese government are taking extra precautions to keep the swine flu out of their country. For the orphanage we are recording our daily temperatures three days before we fly out and continue recording them daily until we leave. If at any time we have elevated temps, we will be quarantined. For the government, they will take our temps on the airplane before we land and again before they let us through customs. If any of us, OR ANYONE SITTING NEAR US ON THE PLANE, have even slightly elevated temps, we will be quarantined. If it is someone near us with a high temp, we are put into a hotel quarantine, if one of us has the high temp, then we are hospital quarantined. The US embassy says that they are unable to effect the duration of the quarantine. In other words, they are staying out of it! A little nevous about the whole thing? Uh-huh.

Today I let Collin sleep in. Partly just to see how long he would sleep. Ten thirty. Today I need to go jogging and it will be in the rain. But at least I don't have to water the flower beds. Today Brett had to get up at 4AM to work an early shift, Ania woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and we get to live one more day knowing the grace of God in Christ.

The Scoop on China & My big, fat Book

We applied and received our passports, sent them off and received them back again with visa's to China in them, and this week we bought our plane tickets! There are five of us going to China for ten days this summer. Kaisha and her sweet friend, Annie, both sponsor (aka: send money each month and sometimes gifts) little girls at an orphanage, Philip Hayden Foundation, just outside of Beijing. We will be getting an up close look at the incredible work they do and the girls will get to meet their "China babies" and spend time with them. PHF will take us touring to see the Great Wall and other incredible sites in and around Beijing. My mom and Annie's mom are also going. We're anticipating an amazing trip!

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On a much smaller scale, I'm reading Les Miserables. A while back a friend made a passing comment that made me aware that I was missing out on an important piece of life by never having read this book. I'm over three hundred pages into it and not half way. I love this book!

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PS: My Colliboo is on his way home from Montana! He had a great time. And, so far, it looks like I made it ten days without him. But barely. I adore that boy.