Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sunshine out of Hand Grenades

I don't really consider myself a writer in the real sense of the word. Writers can write stories. And they love it. And they get paid to write.

But there's a different type of writer, and I am that. Some people have to write so that the thought can be completed...or else they're stuck with unfinished experiences. A character in a novel that I just finished reading said it this way, "Writing helps. When you write about something, when you really think about it, you know it in a different way." I would say that you know it in a complete way. I understood this a lot better in myself when I saw it in Kaisha. 

I would keep a blog even if I knew that nobody but God was ever going to read it. My blog is a mixed version of scrapbooking and journaling and it gives me a venue to complete my thoughts. Ultimately, it's all about me. Which is nice because there isn't much in my life that has anything to do with me.

The problem is that you have to be socially appropriate and avoid all hint of defamation of character in a blog. And when large portions of your life are made up of crap, if you will, thrust upon you by others, you sort of have to pretend that those portions of your life don't really exist when you sit down to write a blogpost. So, your personal hell is non existent and your life looks all cherries and sunshine. 

Which is why I love the above picture! It's an album cover. I love the colors, style, and earthy-retro look. Flowers and dirt. Love that. But look closer. The flowers are made up of skulls and poisons and bombs and every sort of death and sadness.  And so are the leaves and the dirt. I was so surprised when I noticed it. And it was so endearing to me.

If a person can feel a kindred spirit with an album cover...I did. I realized that THIS is why my life looks all cherries and sunshine. Because it is. All the day-in-day-out crappy stuff I deal with doesn't turn my life into a disgusting mess. Somehow, instead, God takes all the skeletons that I keep having to deal with and arranges them in some clever way and makes something beautiful out of it all. Not because I'm beautiful or clever or sunshiny. But because He is. I don't get it on one level. And I don't want to get it on another level. But yet I sense it every day. I see it happening. I'm pretty much staying out of it. I figure He knows what He's doing, even though it looks all wrong at times to me, and who am I to get in His way? 


Cindy P said...

sorry you had a bad day! :((((((

I didn't noticed the skulls until you pointed them out! Wow, caught me by surprise, then I couldn't stop looking at it!

Rambling Tart said...

I love this more than I can say. I could cry and hug you tight for writing this, for sharing this album cover. I swear I got transplanted into Lemony Snicket's series of unfortunate events this year and have had quite enough, thank you very much. :-) You've been through hell too and I'm hoping so much for reprieve, rest, and happiness for both of us. :-)

Metamorphose said...

I've been walking this path for about 10 years. It doesn't get a lot easier, maybe you just get used to the crap that is heaped on you. I try not to notice the flys :-P. It sure is nice to know you aren't alone in the tribulations. Thanks for writing and sharing. Stay strong,living well is the best revenge. With love, Lisa