Friday, September 18, 2009

Creepy at the Front Door

A creepy man came to my door tonight. I know that it's not really nice to call somebody creepy, but if you are a 55-ish year old man and you come to my door in the dark of night despite the barking dog, asking weird questions about the field next door when my husband and son are not home ... I'm gunna call you creepy.

So he asks me who owns the field next door.

I say, "Ed." And I'm thinking of all the times I've told the kids NOT to open the door to someone at night without first asking who is there.

He says, "Whose Ed?"

Gosh, the guy who owns the field you just asked about. "Ed, um ... um ... [last name here]." And I'm thinking that the last time I tried to open the gun safe I didn't have the combination right. And besides, what do you say, "Could you wait here a minute while I go get my gun? You're freaking me out."

So the guy asks, "Where does he live?"

"In the house," I tell him. Where else do you think he would live? In the mailbox? And I remember that Collin isn't home either. None of my men home. Alissa, probably the next toughest person to help out with a creepy man at your door, isn't here either.

"Where is he? It's dark over there."

Like I'm supposed to know where Ed is right now? "I don't know, he comes and goes a lot."

"Oh." And he looks sad. Like I've failed him. Kindof like the bartering Chinese sales women in the market in Beijing right after you settle on a price that is lower than they wanted. They act like they are mad at you for buying something from them. Then he says, "Those tires in the field over there, he is selling them."

Now he's really getting weird. You can't see your hand in front of your face, it is so dark out. How does he know there are tires in the field? Why does he think that I know there are tires in the field? Can I shut the door on his face? Seems rude. Is it ok to be rude to creepy men that want to buy your neighbor's tires? I squint my eyes a little bit and sort of stare at him. Realizing that I'm not at all being quick on my feet and thinking that Wellington (our dog) should be a little more proactive about the whole thing. Barking from the driveway doesn't do a whole lot of good when the guy is at the front door.

He says, "Well, I guess I'll call him."

*Sigh* You put me through all this trauma and you have Ed's phone number in your pocket?

You can only hope that Ed offers him a bear liver to go along with the tires. (A story for another post.)

And since I failed to think quickly, I didn't get a picture of the guy, so gelato will have to suffice instead. Have you had gelato? It's our new favorite thing. We discovered it in Maui. Coconut gelato. Ahhhhh. And then, to have it affagato. Ummmm. Last week we celebrated a friend's birthday by going out on a triple date to the gelato place in Fairhaven. Can't wait to take the kids there soon!


bobby said...


Stormgirl said...

Ahahaha... oh you poor thing Kristine. That sounds much too scary and traumatic. You were so brave!!!

Annie said...

I loved how you compared his look to that of the Chinese sales-ladies...I can SO picture it! :)

~lissy said...


tara said...

That is so funny! But not at the same time!! Oh, and we love gelato...afagato(however you spell it) is the BEST!! We make it at home sometimes we love it so much!!! Sounds like a double date we must go on soon huh?